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Why We Feel So Lonely

11/16/2018

7 Comments

 
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Half of Americans suffer from loneliness. In my travels I've seen its prevalence around the world. The world, however, is spilling over with people. How is this possible?

To answer that question it's worth looking at how humans evolved. The Pharaohs of Egypt seem like long ago, but this was a recent event in the totality of our history. For 95% of  this time we lived in tribes of 20-100 people that were completely egalitarian . Our ancestors hung out with all their family, friends, and homies all the time. They worked together, played together, grieved together, and constantly had each other's backs. Everything was shared. There is a strong possibility (as reflected in some modern day hunter-gatherer tribes) that they had no words for "mine" or "yours".  Their concept of autonomy was much different than today's idea of individualism. 

Flash forward to 2018. The tribes are gone. We are encouraged to believe that success means having your own house and living in it alone (or with a small nuclear family). The 4,000-5,000 ads you see in a day prod you to distinguish (i.e. separate) yourself from the pack: wear a better watch, drive a snazzier car, have cooler gadgets. "Exclusive" is an alluring word in marketing, but who is being excluded? Perhaps it's you.

Johann Hari, in his book Lost Connections, has called materialism a "junk value", comparing it to fast food. It hits the right signals in the brain but does not deliver the goods. Multiple studies have shown that people who think happiness comes from accumulating stuff and superior status suffer higher levels of depression and anxiety. This doesn't keep marketers from trying. That's the nature of today's economic game.

The philosopher Epicurus emphasized three things for human happiness: Friends, freedom, and thought.  Author Alain de Botton has demonstrated how advertisers consistently link these three virtues to their products:​

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Cracking beers with buddies (we crave the friends more than the beer)
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Breaking free with a new SUV (A change in lifestyle can lead to a more lasting sense of freedom)
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Finally you can regain your lost sense of child-like playfulness at the resort. Can't we arrive at the same state by a train of thought that leads to not taking our lives so seriously?
​On top of all the advertising misdirection there are a couple more doozies: pervasive religious beliefs that the earth is, in fact, not our home; and agriculturist ideas that nature is our enemy. Whoof! No wonder why so many folks feel like lonely soldiers trudging through a hostile world. 

The good news is we have the power to break free of this matrix and reform what we lost. If you were born in the bottom 95% of human existence you were born into a tribe. From the day you popped out of momma everybody in the group had your back. That tribe had an intimate relationship with nature, from which it did not consider itself separate. Today we get to form our tribes. It is, thankfully, not that hard to do. The toughest part is taking those first steps. Something I will ponder in an upcoming blog post. ​







7 Comments
Mark Greenwood
12/8/2018 06:17:19 pm

It’s sad more people don’t seem to frequent this blog. It’s short and to the point, yet thought provoking. Do, please, keep it up.

FYI, I found your blog after watching the show about the “grandfather” brown bear. I found myself really wanting to be there. I can’t believe there has been such limited follow up on it.

Reply
Jonathan
12/13/2018 09:22:10 am

Hey Mark, thanks a lot for your comment. You made my day. If just a few people are benefiting from the perspective I pass on, it's well worth the effort.

There was some unfortunate timing with the bear show. The head of Animal Planet got the axe just before its release. A whole new team came into the network with their own ideas. Understandably they had little interest in the old team's ideas succeeding, so there was almost zero promotion for the show (we still did great in viewership), and no interest in continuing the series. This is how it goes sometimes in Holllywood. However, I'm still grateful to have made the one show and that it brought you and perhaps a few others to the blog.

Thanks again for reaching out in the comments with your encouragement. Cheers!

Reply
Flavia
4/28/2019 11:05:49 am

I love this! I just watched the episode where you traveled to Kolkata, India and really enjoyed your perspective on your experience there. Keep up the great work!

Reply
Azeeda Aziz-Ramkissoon
4/28/2019 09:47:27 pm

Hi Jonathan, my husband and I just saw your show " Road Less Traveled " where you went to Calcutta. IWe would love to visit India one day because our foreparents came from North India in the late 1800's as indentured labourers. We live in the Caribbean in the beautiful twin island republic of Trinidad and Tobago. It's a lovely country with a rich culture , a mixture of First Peoples, African, Chinese, East Indian , European, English Middle Eastern and others. Maybe you can visit sometime. We thoroughly enjoyed watching your experiences and I must mention that your humility and respect was very touching . Thank you . Keep up the good work. I only just discovered this blog and will read more when I have some time. See you!

Reply
Jonathan
5/1/2019 01:37:46 pm

Hello Azeeda, thanks so much for taking the time to write your comment. I really appreciate the feedback. You made my day. Would love to visit and film in Trinidad and Tobago.

Reply
Jai Hegde link
5/2/2019 10:44:11 am

Hi Jonathan,
Thank you for your show RLT...Road Less Traveled...I enjoy it very much. I am an Indian-American man living in this country since 2000. I am a Philosopher by nature and inclination and have studied the Upanishads for the last 22 years,first in India, then here (with my Guru). I wonder...is your show open to the road less traveled internally as well ? Since you are interested in the Indian culture, would you be interested in doing a show about The Upanishads, The Gita and other ancillary texts ? If you ever get interested in this area, I would like to offer myself as a source of this Knowledge to your show. I have dedicated myself to answering interested folks’ questions on www.quora.com and on my Facebook page. Check it out if it is something of interest to you.
I’d be interested to know your thoughts on this subject matter.

Sincerely,
Jai Hegde

Reply
Jonathan
6/25/2019 02:32:56 pm

Hello Jai! Thanks for writing brother. I've been on my internal road less traveled journey for quite a while. Traveling and filming in India was a definite catalyst for growth in this area.
I would be definitely interested in a show about the Upanishads and the Gita. Next time India is on our radar for filming I will seriously look into how we can present some of this content visually. Thanks for the recommendation!

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