So you had a little travel fling.. right on! Romantic connection is a beautiful, enlivening thing, It's a mind expanding experience (if you are actually taking interest in the contents of each other's brains). 
 
Now you're back home and still flirting over a texting app. An invitation appears: "Come back and see me." You flip open your laptop and start browsing flights. 

It's an admirable move. The mark of a romantic soul. However, let's adjust expectations and strategy before buying that ticket. Misadventure may await you. Are you ready for it?
Consider this:

• There will be a disparity that didn't exist before - When the love began you had an agenda. You were traveling around Europe on a rail pass, or paragliding the Alps, or on some work project. You carved time out of that mission to make the romance happen. You may have been traveling with friends. You carved time out from hanging with your buddies to make the romance happen. The lover carved time out of their scene to be with you. These time choices send an appealing signal. Now you have no homies to hang with and you have a singular agenda. Meanwhile, they still have their friends to see, their work to do, their hobbies to pursue, etc. It's a whole different dynamic. There is an imbalance.
• The chemistry may not be there the second time around - How many romances have fizzled on the second or third date? Happens all the time. You both get a little familiar and discover unpalatable differences. He actually drinks way too much. She doesn't like the outdoors at all. It sure is nice to discover these differences down the block instead of oceans away.
• You could easily be stepping into a love triangle - Super common. Rocco tells Maria he needs a break. Maria goes out with her friends and meets you. Romance ensues. You're more exciting than Rocco has been for years, but you're also an unstable bet for anything long term. You go home which cements this point. Rocco comes back into the scene but he is halfhearted. Maria, feeling underappreciated, invites you back. When your ticket is booked she lets a little intel leak, giving Rocco a strategic hint: He better up his game.. there is a competitor on the way. Rocco doubles down to ward off the threat. He's all flowers and candlelight dinners now. You sit in the hotel room wondering when she's going to meet up. Enjoy your stay.

These are ever present possibilities, but don't be dissuaded. Instead, change your perspective and approach:

• Have an agenda - Come into the town with some purpose. Shoot a short film, take a yoga course, visit every crēperie in town and blog about the experience. Now you've got your own stuff going on... good for the relationship parity, and good for you.
• Prepare for absolute disaster - Develop a plan B in case things go in a direction you don't want to walk. Find a destination nearby you'd like to explore and be ready to turn your trip, or part of it, into an exploration of this new place.
• Suggest neutral ground - Instead of going to his/her homecourt, why not go somewhere that is new for both of you. A spot where neither person has work or friendship obligations. Find a special place where you can have an adventure together, sealing that moment in time as something uniquely shared between the two of you.

Revisiting a travel fling is always a toss of the dice, but with the right preparation you can stack the odds in favor of a winning roll. By setting a realistic frame and controling expectations one can have a memorable trip no matter which numbers turn up. And remember the goal is that both people end up feeling empowered from this interaction. Let's all leave a trail of beautiful memories in our wake. Be honest. Be kind. Be your best self. 

The "fearful creature" mentioned in the video has pointed out that I did not provide any solutions for what author Johann Hari has called the "ego addiction", an unhealthy attachment to self that is isolating us from each other. Here are my best ideas to scale that back:

1. Meditation - One of the gradual effects of prolonged meditation practice is witnessing the non-duality of existence. Over time it begins to tear the curtain of the separate self. A specific kind of meditation, called Loving-Kindness, is designed to transfer feelings of well-being to others.
2. Travel - When journeys are about connecting with the people (as opposed to checking off landmarks), deep commonalities with the rest of humanity will appear and resonate like gospel.
3. Tribe - Cultivating a group of inspirational friends, peers, and mentors within a framework of honesty and vulnerability will go far to put an ego in healthy balance.
4. Psychedelics - I hesitate to write this because of the failure of language* and malicious political policy**. The scientific community has recently returned to these substances for their value. As a device for deconstructing the ego nothing works faster. Eat three grams of psilocybin mushrooms and within an hour something akin to mythological phenomena will occur, shredding the illusion that you are a lonely soldier trudging through a foreign world.  But... This is advanced level shit. You must be ready to scale the perilous mountain to see the oracle, arriving with intention and respect. You must heed the principles of set and setting. You should have a knowledgable, trustworthy***, and calm sitter to guide the initial experiences.
5. Books - Lost Connections by Johann Hari, Civilized to Death by Christopher Ryan (preorders), Sapiens by Yuval Harari, and a healthy amount of serious fiction (which is shown to make us more empathetic). 

* The term "drugs" is used to cover everything from caffeine to aspirin to crack to magic mushrooms. Clearly there is a difference between sipping a cup of coffee and injected heroin into a vein. We need new vocabulary that does not lump all mood altering substances under the same tainted banner. 

** The "war on drugs" has been one of the most destructive and evil forces humanity has unleashed on itself, responsible for many more deaths than the drugs it purports to combat. It is fueled by hypocrisy, racism, and greed. To uncover the full perniciousness of these policies I'd recommend the documentaries 13th and America's War on Drugs as well as the book Chasing the Scream.

*** I've heard terrible stories of charlatans taking advantage of the vulnerable. Specifically if you plan to go to South America to experience an Ayahuasca ceremony vet your shaman very carefully.

Last Spring I made a blogpost which featured my pixelated buttocks. ​The post appeared on a popular hiking Facebook page. While most comments were supportive, a couple men blasted me. They were profoundly offended to see a bottom even blurred. One dude told me I should register as a sex offender. 

When did these men consciously decided they found the gluteus muscles (and the skin and fat which surround them) so offensive? Did they sit down one day to figure out which body parts were cool and which shameful? Of course not. They were impressed at a very young age through a variety of mediums.

Now I had my awareness completely on the subject. What was wrong with the backside of the human body? For that matter, what was embarrassing about the frontside? Did we not all have similar features from little innocent babies to sweet old grandparents? I couldn't seem too find fault with this design when putting full reason on it. 

However, the disesteem for ourselves runs deep. So deep that I discovered a new pocket of it under the full moon in Goa, India. Once again the matter cleared up when put under the full gaze of awareness and query**.

Have you had a similar experience? 

*Book reference in video is Lost Connections by Johann Hari. He speaks about some of these thoughts on this podcast.

**There are some thorns imbedded so deep, however, that noticing them is just the beginning of a long process of pulling them out. The most pernicious, given to us by the same advertisers who have contributed to body shame, is materialism. Extrinsic thinking that acquiring a possession will make us happy. Study after study contradicts this belief, but it's so dominant all but the most enlightened fall under it's bewitchment.  

Everything is on the line when you wake up. Looking at the cell phone is a plunge into the energy of others, the comparison traps of social media, and the anxiety of world news. It will start you off unbalanced and unfocused.

Dedicating the first moment of the day for yourself is the truest way to "look out for #1". A brief routine to consciously center oneself will make a remarkable impact on the rest of the waking hours.

Here is my current routine:

• ​Wake up without an active phone: Obviously nothing beats waking up naturally, but if an alarm in necessary use an alarm clock. Sunrise clocks offer a gentler way to be roused.  If you must use the cell phone, make sure it's on airplane mode before you sleep so that zero notifications will catch your attention as you turn off the alarm in the morning. The key here is not to get sucked into the device in this fragile, groggy state.
• Take a second to appreciate another day alive: Sometimes I verbally acknowledge this.
• Drink a glass of water: Hydrate yourself after many hours of no water.
• Meditate: I've been using the app Calm to keep consistent. Some of my friends like Headspace. Spotify is full of guided meditations. There are also many free ones on Soundcloud. A regular meditation practice will start bleeding into the rest of the day in fascinating ways. More and more often I break out of the spell of deep thought into the present moment.  Waves of emotion become less consuming as a gap appears between a sensation and a reaction.
• Journal: This is the daily briefing with the captain of the ship. Is the course optimal? I write down a few things about which I'm grateful, remind myself of who I am, and plan how to move through the day. 
• Cook and Eat Breakfast: Author Yuval Noah Harari describes how modern homo sapiens have lost most of their sense of taste. Our attention is now often on a screen, a conversation, or a thought instead of on our food. The morning is a chance to appreciate the stuff that's going into our bodies. Keep the phone off and savor the flavor, texture, and nourishing sensation of that breakfast.
• Phone on.. day started.

I'm always tweaking this routine and would appreciate any feedback to make the list better. What is your best tip to start the day right?

Coffee is one of the world's favorite drinks. It has many health benefits. It's the centerpiece of pleasant morning rituals, business meetings, and casual dates. So why stop? A temporary break from caffeine could make a profound impact on your perspective. Principally  in these five areas:

1. Sympathy for your fellow addict: Go cold turkey on your coffee habit and you will quickly realize you are an addict. Moreover, there is a good chance you will relapse before breaking free (while reciting the classic excuses used by all drug addicts).

The rough attempt to quit caffeine will create sympathy for the staggering amount of people in prison for drug possession. Perhaps you could become an ally in changing the world's draconian policies to something more like Portugal's successful model of decriminalization.

2. Boost your self control: One of the great virtues in life is self control. Are we a slave to our passions or do we have choice? Whether it's porn, coffee, or refined sugar; the only way to prove control is to confirm the ability to stop. You've got a whole lifetime to indulge. Can you abstain for just one month? 

3. Reframe views of happiness: There are many folks who would benefit from anti-depressants but don't utilize this resource. Why? There is a societal disapproval of chemical cures... a belief that a person should be able to make themselves happy through pure willpower.

Quitting a caffeine habit will smash this perception in the teeth. A day or two into the cleanse a chemical reaction will plunge one into a deep state of grumpiness. A grey raincloud will hang above. Watch how fast it evaporates just minutes after drinking a coffee. Everything is right in the world again.

While contemplating a new appreciation of chemical cures, the caffeine abstainer can also seek other methods of finding well being, such as meditation and mindfulness. 

4. Get a grip on anxiety: There is a heap of worry in our modern world. We are inherently anxious creatures. But what is our baseline and how much is the caffeine? Temporarily removing this stimulant provides a more accurate assessment of the stress we process.

5. Unleash caffeine's power: To the addict a dose is like scratching an itch. Its appeal is the sensation of relief. To the casual user a dose provides the full potential of a drug. After breaking a coffee habit, one will discover that caffeine becomes a useful tool for moments when a boost of energy and alertness is most useful. The addict doesn't get the same reward.

​
The research say coffee consumption is positive, but committing to a cleanse has many benefits. I'm a fan of the beverage, but also dedicate myself to the occasional break**. It gives me a sense of self control, makes me more understanding of the delicate nature of brain chemistry, and has given me more sympathy for people who struggle with other addictions. Hope it does the same for you.

** The first break from coffee, done while filming in Romania, was a bitch. The withdrawal lasted 10 days. Sleepy, lethargic, and grumpy most of the duration; although I'd occasionally wake up at 4AM wide awake. Now I no longer cold turkey my breaks from caffeine, but will slowly decrease consumption over the course of a week until I'm off the sauce. However, that cold-turkey experience was extremely valuable for self growth and understanding the addictive power of drugs. I recommend everyone try it once.

People often ask me how to get a job as a travel show host. Although there is a lot more work involved than most realize, I'm very grateful to have my position and voice. Becoming the host of a travel show was a pinnacle moment. I felt like my whole life had funneled towards that destiny.
When opportunity came knocking I didn't think, "I hope I get it." Instead, I realized, "I am this guy." I had accrued a life full of decisions that shaped me into the ideal candidate. Although there are many ways to cook an omelet, these are some of those decisions I made and the path I took:

1. Travel a bunch -If you want to get a job related to your passions, dive right into them first. Want to be a photographer? Shoot the hell out of everything. Want to be a mechanic? Monkey with every part of your car and volunteer to help fix your friends' cars. If the passion persists your "why" should start to take shape. I always selected my jobs based on ability to travel. My first gig was an English teacher in Colombia. That career led me to Italy and West Africa. Then I switched gears, becoming a flight attendant. Working minimal hours I used the flight benefits to visit over 50 new countries. My "why" formed as I realized I liked the man I was becoming: More accepting of others, more aware of myself, more courageous and inquisitive. This process not only gave me the drive to press on, it also fostered the desire to share this conciousness-expanding magic with others.
2. Get a heap of "on camera" experience - My flight attendant years ended as I moved to Tokyo and later China. There, as a decent looking foreigner with a modicum of talent, I was on camera almost every day. It's one thing to record yourself with a selfie stick. It's another to deliver when you're on a tight time frame and a heap of people are staring at you expectantly. Getting comfortable with this process gave me the ability to speak personably to the camera even in high pressure situations. It also made me aware of my angles and finding the light. 
3. Move to Los Angeles - This is arguably less important now than it was when I made the big move. There is something to be said, however, for living in the beating heart of "the industry." You'll rub shoulder with the right people and you'll be available for in-person auditions. Unless you've already got a big name nobody is going to Skype interview you for a role. As a bonus LA is a fantastic place to live once you get to know her: Top tier opportunity, entertainment, and nature. 
4. Learn to audition well - An audition is a very unique form of performance. In a very tight amount of time you need to sell yourself. You've got to come in hot. Take a class and audition for as many things as you can, even if the role isn't ideal.
5. Stay in the game - LA flushes the pipes more than a Calcutta public toilet, but the people who persist and hold onto the rim get rewarded. 90% of the folks I met when I arrived in LA were gone just a few years later. But casting directors now knew my name. They'd give me a familiar nod as I walked in. I usually didn't get their jobs, but I always made them look good in front of the clients. They wanted me to succeed. Nothing warms the heart of an Angeleno like the news of a big part going to someone who put in their time (See Stephanie Courtney (Flo the Progressive Insurance lady) or Jonathan Goldsmith (The most interesting man on the planet according to XX)). Whatever you have to do to keep your dream alive, I encourage you to do it. If Brad Pitt could dress up in a Pollo Loco chicken suit to stay in the game, you could swallow the humility of taking crappy side jobs. The whole process will make you hungrier. It keeps you around for the phone call that's coming one day. My phone call arrived almost 3 years after I sent in an audition video. If I'd had been living a different life I would have missed it, but I was on a break from shooting an MGM grand promo vid, which was a lot more fun that all the plates I shlepped around at CPK.
6. Stay inquisitive - Even when you're not hopping on flights and crossing borders, keep the traveler spirit alive. The truth is you could do a whole SE Asian tour and barely scratch the surface (eating banana pancakes and hanging in the hostels), or you could go a few blocks from your house and find a scene that is everything that travel is about. Going deeper is always better that going farther. You can go deep right in your city by reading, meeting unique people, saying "yes" to unique experiences, and poking around.
7. Create your own content - I was a little late to this game, but now I'm fully on it. When I have something I want to share, even as mundane as a cup of coffee, I post it. Even if nobody watches it keeps me in the flow of creativity and production. Speaking of flow, a great book called the Soul of Money suggests that dinero, like water, needs to flow to stay fresh. Flow it back into your passions. Recently I've dropped a chunk of my cash into two new projects: Destination Unusual and Food Relay. Without a penny yet earned they've both been richly rewarding experiences.

If yo want to become a travel show host I wish you the best on that journey. Keep in mind that most people I've met in LA who came to "become famous" are long gone. If you want to host a travel show simply because you "want to travel and get paid for it", you only have a piece of the puzzle. You've got to have a "why" and you'll only find it by living the life, discovering yourself, and cultivating a higher purpose before you begin to broadcast.

Don't give naked answers. This was the advice of my friend Max Sperber. To be fair he garnered the wisdom from a book, but he put his own nuance on the explanation, as I will now do. 

In a previous post I recommend asking better questions to dive deeper into knowledge and connection. But what if you're being asked something mundane? You can still adjust the depth of the conversation with this trick. If you want to engage with the querier, don't give a naked answer.

A naked, or stripped down, answer is straight to the point and superficial.

• Routine question: What do you do?
• Naked answer: I teach French.

This conversation will either end or move in a predictable direction: "Oh I've been to France," "I took some French classes as a kid," etc. If you're a French teacher you've had these kinds of talks plenty of times.

Now try this:

• What do you do?
• I try my best to teach people the beauty and knowledge that's entwined in the fabric of French. Did you know there are concepts in French, as in all languages, that can not be fully translated into another tongue? I'm excited for my students to gain the ability to communicate and connect with a wider slice of the world, but more than that, to be able to see life from a perspective only available to those who can think in French. Really that part of life's epic journey, isn't it.. widening perspective. What are some things that have widened your perspective of life?

One last example:

• Where are you from?
• Peoria, Illinois

VS.

• Where are you from?
• I'm from a tiny city in a middle of the United States. It was very suburban. To be honest, I would not wish the suburbs on anyone. It's a flawed concept. If you grow up in the country you learn how to work with your hands, you gain an appreciation for nature, and you form tight bonds with the small amount of people you'll know. If you grow up in the city you'll learn art, culture, tolerance, and acceptance of others. When you're in the burbs you're neither here nor there. Culture is going to the Olive Garden, you go to Quick-a-Lube to change your oil, and you're seperated from your neighbors by fences, yards, and social constructs. How much of a connection do you have with your neighbors and do you believe the design of the neighborhood affects the way you all socialize?

Now let me ask you this:. Where are you from? What do you do?

Earlier this month, on the beaches of Sri Lanka, an Indian man asked me this: "If you were to summarize all the collective wisdom and experience you've gathered in life into one thought, what would it be?"

Wow. I decided not to overthink and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Most people in the world (including myself) want to do good. They want to connect. But we are all terribly blinded in the snowstorms of fear."

Now I'm passed this question on to others.

 The lady at my Yogyakarta homestay quoted the Roman Virgil "Fortune favors the bold." 

Another said, "Live your life. Enjoy the experience of existence."

One of the many things I learned at Burning Man is that by eschewing perfunctory questions (which are frowned upon) we have to search for more unique ones. "What's your job?" will get a well polished answer. To ask "Who are the kinds of people you most respect?" would immediately plunge the listener into contemplation, create appreciation for a well crafted inquiry, and produce a genuine bit of knowledge. The conversations I had in Black Rock dove immediately into the profound and vulnerable. They brought out real insight gained from a wealth of life experience different than mine. They created a stronger bond between the discoursers. 

How would you answer the above question? And what is a question you employ to get a better answer?