So you had a little travel fling.. right on! Romantic connection is a beautiful, enlivening thing, It's a mind expanding experience (if you are actually taking interest in the contents of each other's brains). 
 
Now you're back home and still flirting over a texting app. An invitation appears: "Come back and see me." You flip open your laptop and start browsing flights. 

It's an admirable move. The mark of a romantic soul. However, let's adjust expectations and strategy before buying that ticket. Misadventure may await you. Are you ready for it?
Consider this:

• There will be a disparity that didn't exist before - When the love began you had an agenda. You were traveling around Europe on a rail pass, or paragliding the Alps, or on some work project. You carved time out of that mission to make the romance happen. You may have been traveling with friends. You carved time out from hanging with your buddies to make the romance happen. The lover carved time out of their scene to be with you. These time choices send an appealing signal. Now you have no homies to hang with and you have a singular agenda. Meanwhile, they still have their friends to see, their work to do, their hobbies to pursue, etc. It's a whole different dynamic. There is an imbalance.
• The chemistry may not be there the second time around - How many romances have fizzled on the second or third date? Happens all the time. You both get a little familiar and discover unpalatable differences. He actually drinks way too much. She doesn't like the outdoors at all. It sure is nice to discover these differences down the block instead of oceans away.
• You could easily be stepping into a love triangle - Super common. Rocco tells Maria he needs a break. Maria goes out with her friends and meets you. Romance ensues. You're more exciting than Rocco has been for years, but you're also an unstable bet for anything long term. You go home which cements this point. Rocco comes back into the scene but he is halfhearted. Maria, feeling underappreciated, invites you back. When your ticket is booked she lets a little intel leak, giving Rocco a strategic hint: He better up his game.. there is a competitor on the way. Rocco doubles down to ward off the threat. He's all flowers and candlelight dinners now. You sit in the hotel room wondering when she's going to meet up. Enjoy your stay.

These are ever present possibilities, but don't be dissuaded. Instead, change your perspective and approach:

• Have an agenda - Come into the town with some purpose. Shoot a short film, take a yoga course, visit every crēperie in town and blog about the experience. Now you've got your own stuff going on... good for the relationship parity, and good for you.
• Prepare for absolute disaster - Develop a plan B in case things go in a direction you don't want to walk. Find a destination nearby you'd like to explore and be ready to turn your trip, or part of it, into an exploration of this new place.
• Suggest neutral ground - Instead of going to his/her homecourt, why not go somewhere that is new for both of you. A spot where neither person has work or friendship obligations. Find a special place where you can have an adventure together, sealing that moment in time as something uniquely shared between the two of you.

Revisiting a travel fling is always a toss of the dice, but with the right preparation you can stack the odds in favor of a winning roll. By setting a realistic frame and controling expectations one can have a memorable trip no matter which numbers turn up. And remember the goal is that both people end up feeling empowered from this interaction. Let's all leave a trail of beautiful memories in our wake. Be honest. Be kind. Be your best self. 

The "fearful creature" mentioned in the video has pointed out that I did not provide any solutions for what author Johann Hari has called the "ego addiction", an unhealthy attachment to self that is isolating us from each other. Here are my best ideas to scale that back:

1. Meditation - One of the gradual effects of prolonged meditation practice is witnessing the non-duality of existence. Over time it begins to tear the curtain of the separate self. A specific kind of meditation, called Loving-Kindness, is designed to transfer feelings of well-being to others.
2. Travel - When journeys are about connecting with the people (as opposed to checking off landmarks), deep commonalities with the rest of humanity will appear and resonate like gospel.
3. Tribe - Cultivating a group of inspirational friends, peers, and mentors within a framework of honesty and vulnerability will go far to put an ego in healthy balance.
4. Psychedelics - I hesitate to write this because of the failure of language* and malicious political policy**. The scientific community has recently returned to these substances for their value. As a device for deconstructing the ego nothing works faster. Eat three grams of psilocybin mushrooms and within an hour something akin to mythological phenomena will occur, shredding the illusion that you are a lonely soldier trudging through a foreign world.  But... This is advanced level shit. You must be ready to scale the perilous mountain to see the oracle, arriving with intention and respect. You must heed the principles of set and setting. You should have a knowledgable, trustworthy***, and calm sitter to guide the initial experiences.
5. Books - Lost Connections by Johann Hari, Civilized to Death by Christopher Ryan (preorders), Sapiens by Yuval Harari, and a healthy amount of serious fiction (which is shown to make us more empathetic). 

* The term "drugs" is used to cover everything from caffeine to aspirin to crack to magic mushrooms. Clearly there is a difference between sipping a cup of coffee and injected heroin into a vein. We need new vocabulary that does not lump all mood altering substances under the same tainted banner. 

** The "war on drugs" has been one of the most destructive and evil forces humanity has unleashed on itself, responsible for many more deaths than the drugs it purports to combat. It is fueled by hypocrisy, racism, and greed. To uncover the full perniciousness of these policies I'd recommend the documentaries 13th and America's War on Drugs as well as the book Chasing the Scream.

*** I've heard terrible stories of charlatans taking advantage of the vulnerable. Specifically if you plan to go to South America to experience an Ayahuasca ceremony vet your shaman very carefully.

This summer I'll return to Serbia to dig deeper into a vexing mystery and explore new destinations.  Would you like to come along? I'm limiting the number of co-adventurers to 10, plus a cameraman who will document our journey. As a small, intimate group we will better bond with each other, our environment, and the locals we meet. 

Registration time is now at 10 days. 

More information here.
or
Grab a slot now.

Have a question about the trip? Please write it down in the comments.

Last Spring I made a blogpost which featured my pixelated buttocks. ​The post appeared on a popular hiking Facebook page. While most comments were supportive, a couple men blasted me. They were profoundly offended to see a bottom even blurred. One dude told me I should register as a sex offender. 

When did these men consciously decided they found the gluteus muscles (and the skin and fat which surround them) so offensive? Did they sit down one day to figure out which body parts were cool and which shameful? Of course not. They were impressed at a very young age through a variety of mediums.

Now I had my awareness completely on the subject. What was wrong with the backside of the human body? For that matter, what was embarrassing about the frontside? Did we not all have similar features from little innocent babies to sweet old grandparents? I couldn't seem too find fault with this design when putting full reason on it. 

However, the disesteem for ourselves runs deep. So deep that I discovered a new pocket of it under the full moon in Goa, India. Once again the matter cleared up when put under the full gaze of awareness and query**.

Have you had a similar experience? 

*Book reference in video is Lost Connections by Johann Hari. He speaks about some of these thoughts on this podcast.

**There are some thorns imbedded so deep, however, that noticing them is just the beginning of a long process of pulling them out. The most pernicious, given to us by the same advertisers who have contributed to body shame, is materialism. Extrinsic thinking that acquiring a possession will make us happy. Study after study contradicts this belief, but it's so dominant all but the most enlightened fall under it's bewitchment.  

The above video does not truly convey the beauty of Rishikesh. It's located on a stunning stretch of the Ganges headwaters. It's full of soft-hearted pilgrims trudging not towards a religious obligation, but rather a personal search for enlightenment and transcendence. As the birthplace of yoga, the town is full of ashrams and studios where one can sleep, eat, and practice for as little as 15 USD a day. The surrounding hills are laced with steep trails and the riverbank provides opportunities to scamper, boulder, or find blissful seclusion.

The town is also a massive resource of wisdom (and a bit of chicanery) as dozens of "gurus" hold open meetings, called satsang,  free of charge. Naturally there must be some commercial incentive for pasting glossy headshots of the charismatic leaders all over town. There is most likely a sliding scale of intention, from those hoping to accrue power and wealth via a spiritual avenue, those looking to share a message while keeping their operation afloat, and those who believe these two objectives can be ethically integrated. 

I visited several of these satsang, dividing my attention between the guru and his/her audience. The teachers ranged from pure charlatan to well intentioned. The best had  informative wisdom on the nature of consciousness. They attempt to drop the right insight or pose the right question which will enable the seeker to break free of the dominant paradigm of what the Hindu's would call "maya" and the modern world would understand as "the matrix". That is the illusion of a separate self schlepping through a foreign world, motivated by fear, lurching toward ephemeral pleasures and away from pain. Keep climbing until you reach the promised rung of contentment or die on the ladder. 

The audience of these gurus tilts heavily towards the wide-eyed and credulous, the majority of skeptics perhaps having written off the whole scene. This is an understandable division. There is quite a stew of woo woo sloshing around the sphere of Rishikesh. One will hear many insightful observations about the experience of consciousness mixed in with improbable yet assured metaphysical claims about the nature of physical reality. Unfortunately this combination means that many savvy intellects who could benefit from the baby in the bathwater will stay away, and the overly impressionable will drink the whole concoction down. Con artists thrive among the latter group, the wise have a small audience among the former.

Although I too may be self-deluded, I believe I've plucked some diamonds from the experience of Rishikesh; including a more committed yoga practice and deeper meditation sessions. It's a place I recommend all "spiritual" seekers visit, with a healthy balance of openness and critical thinking. 


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Links related to video:

John de Ruiter according to Globe and Mail
and according to Vice

Two gurus I would visit again (this does not entail an endorsement nor do i concur with all their ideas. Rather I believe them to be well-intentioned, humble, and in possession of some unique insight)

Swami Atmananda
Shantimayi

Everything is on the line when you wake up. Looking at the cell phone is a plunge into the energy of others, the comparison traps of social media, and the anxiety of world news. It will start you off unbalanced and unfocused.

Dedicating the first moment of the day for yourself is the truest way to "look out for #1". A brief routine to consciously center oneself will make a remarkable impact on the rest of the waking hours.

Here is my current routine:

• ​Wake up without an active phone: Obviously nothing beats waking up naturally, but if an alarm in necessary use an alarm clock. Sunrise clocks offer a gentler way to be roused.  If you must use the cell phone, make sure it's on airplane mode before you sleep so that zero notifications will catch your attention as you turn off the alarm in the morning. The key here is not to get sucked into the device in this fragile, groggy state.
• Take a second to appreciate another day alive: Sometimes I verbally acknowledge this.
• Drink a glass of water: Hydrate yourself after many hours of no water.
• Meditate: I've been using the app Calm to keep consistent. Some of my friends like Headspace. Spotify is full of guided meditations. There are also many free ones on Soundcloud. A regular meditation practice will start bleeding into the rest of the day in fascinating ways. More and more often I break out of the spell of deep thought into the present moment.  Waves of emotion become less consuming as a gap appears between a sensation and a reaction.
• Journal: This is the daily briefing with the captain of the ship. Is the course optimal? I write down a few things about which I'm grateful, remind myself of who I am, and plan how to move through the day. 
• Cook and Eat Breakfast: Author Yuval Noah Harari describes how modern homo sapiens have lost most of their sense of taste. Our attention is now often on a screen, a conversation, or a thought instead of on our food. The morning is a chance to appreciate the stuff that's going into our bodies. Keep the phone off and savor the flavor, texture, and nourishing sensation of that breakfast.
• Phone on.. day started.

I'm always tweaking this routine and would appreciate any feedback to make the list better. What is your best tip to start the day right?

Burning Man is now a massive spectacle, but it had humble origins on San Francisco's Baker Beach. What meek little event will grow up to be the next big thing? Here's one dark horse racing out of Europe's most underappreciated capital city. 

Do you know another burgeoning event that captures the Burning Man spirit? Tell me about it in the comments.